Last week, during my prayer time, I got really angry at God…
“What was the point of that? Did I just destroy people I love by telling the truth? Am I really that horribly selfish? What is the matter with me? Really, God?!”
I was angry. Really angry. I felt like God had set me up. I was practically yelling at Him because I couldn’t see the “Why” to the messy situation I found myself in. I thought obedience would bring healing and restoration not more pain and confusion. I was sad. I was shocked. I was embarrassed. I was mad.
A few nights later, I was reading Lysa Terkhursts book “The Best Yes” and journaling through some of my lingering anger. I read something that really stuck out to me and helped me shed some light on the darkness of my conflicting emotions. She said, “Yes and No are the two most powerful words.”
She wrote that sentence for me.
Well…maybe not. But it’s exactly what I needed to read that night. God has been really working in my life lately restoring a broken relationship; and, I’ve often felt like I’m on an emotional roller-coaster. There have been some crazy beautiful highs…and some painful scary lows. The emotional depth required to walk down memory lane, deal with toxic emotions, and still keep a firm grip on reality is exhausting. Restoration takes time. Restoration demands honesty. Restoration requires accountability. Restoration is soul-stirring and life changing.
New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” Lao Tzu
When a dream dies, a promise goes unfilled, a mistake is made, or a relationship changes unexpectedly, you will feel like you are walking through the most painful of endings. You will be mad. You will be sad. You will be confused. You will think, “Why me?” This is totally normal and necessary! However, can I just remind you (and myself!) that there is beauty in endings if you are willing to look for it.
I had a choice. I could dig my heels in. I could refuse to accept this painful ending. I could demand my way and hurt other people. I could force an ending I thought was more appropriate. But, I knew my disobedience would come at a price. I would risk never seeing the fruit of a beautiful new beginning. Obedience is often painful and beautiful. Love requires sacrifice and reward.
So. I choose.
I choose to walk through the no.
I choose forgiveness.
I choose sacrifice.
I choose restoration.
I choose honesty.
I choose friendship.
I choose to be brave.
I choose love.
I choose to be faithful.
I choose to honor those who have hurt me.
I choose to not rush the process.
I choose new behaviors.
I choose obedience.
If you find yourself walking through a painful ending. Ask yourself, “Will I walk through this painful ending to find a beautiful new beginning? Or, will I let this ‘No’ swallow me in bitterness and self-pity?”
You have a choice.
Choose to be brave.
Be brave enough to keep walking through the painful ending. Be brave enough to be honest with yourself, with the people you love, and with the God who loves you more than anything. Be brave enough to have conversations that really matter…even if it leaves you vulnerable and risking more than you intended. Be brave enough to heal toxic emotions and painful memories. Be brave enough to walk through the painful ending to find the beautiful new beginning.
The road will not be easy…but I can promise you that God is faithful. I choose to walk through my painful ending with bravery, obedience, and the promise of a new beginning. What will you choose?