A Letter to the Confident Woman

Dear Confident Woman…

I admire you. Everything about you says, “I am a confident woman.” You’re a “get it done” type of gal, and in this world of procrastination that we live in, that can be a rare skill. You walk into a room and immediately people notice you. You’re polished. Driven. And successful.

Yet, I sometimes wonder if your confidence creates a disconnect with others. Have you ever felt that tension?

There’s two kinds of confidence, really.

The first kind is the confidence that is superficial. It’s a pretend confidence that causes one to put on a strong, always-put-together front while underneath insecurity runs-a-muck. This version of confidence draws lines of division in your life because the more you try to prove your confidence, the more others watching start to build up a wall. It tricks you into sacrificing time with your family for working harder so you can get further in life. The truth is – when we live in this version, we push others away. This confidence is lonely. This confidence hurts – yourself and others. This is not what you were designed for, and if you find yourself relating to this, today is your wakeup call.

Because there’s another kind of confidence.

A quiet confidence. A humble confidence. One that allows you to walk into a room with your head held high and a friendly smile on your face; not the smile of “I’m better than you.” No. This confidence wears a smile that says, “I’m secure in who I am, and I can’t wait to meet YOU!” This confidence encourages others, includes others, builds others up, and vulnerably shares the obstacles she’s overcome so that other’s can learn from her mistakes. Instead of saying, “I never have fear!” or “You just need to get over it!” this confidence says, “I’m afraid more often than not, I just choose to do it anyway. I’ve been there! I’ve overcome! And so can you! Your story matters and this is the time to look for the meaning within the season!”

This is real confidence.

The kind that allows you to see the pain that other’s are going through and have some empathy toward them. This confidence can sit with someone facing depression or anxiety and not feel uncomfortable. It is comfortable in the silence – with no judging and no condemnation.

Can I confess something to you?

I have experienced the reality of both of these kinds of confidence. I started out as a confident woman in the working world with the fake kind, and have now stepped into the real kind. Yet, just last weekend during one of our Live Group Sessions for our monthly Steady ON Coaching Group, I tearfully confessed that I’ve missed parts of the confident woman I used to be. And that I’m excited to begin walking in the steps of that woman again.

My old confidence was the first kind.

Insecure. Superficial. Completely oblivious to the pain or feelings of those around me. Yes, there were some characteristics of that old me that were good – like the “get it done” attitude. The ability to be professional and offer great customer service. Even the belief in the talents and gifts that God had given me. THOSE qualities are the ones I miss in myself, because somewhere along the line, while going through my own season of anxiety and depression and learning how to rise up out of that, I lost those skills. Or rather, they scared me, because I didn’t know how to get back to them without bringing back the bad ones too.

You see, I used to think I was above anxiety and depression, but that’s exactly what taught me how to be a REAL confident woman.

They taught me how to see the beauty in my pain, and how to take a step back and realize when to speak up with tough love for others versus when to compassionately LOVE ON others.

I used to have a fake confidence. Now I have the real kind. And with it has come the deep friendships I’ve always wanted and never had. With it has come a better marriage and a healthier self-image.

My dear friend, if you find yourself stuck in the tension between a superficial confidence and the real kind, I want to personally invite you to join me at Beautiful Wholeness.

Maybe you’ve heard about it and you’ve thought “I’m already a confident woman, I don’t need to develop any more self-confidence.” If so, I guarantee that you’re missing the point. Yes, I will confidently say that to you! Why? Because chances are there is someone in your life that you have pushed away, or at the very least are experiencing tension with. There’s a relationship that’s important to you but it is strained for reasons you can’t figure out. Do yourself a favor and confidently join us that day. We will teach you the skills that you maybe just need a refresher on, or maybe you’re completely lacking in that will help you in this area. At the very least, you’ll be putting yourself in an environment that will help you see others and understand them better. It’s only a win-win for you my confident gal!

So…I trust I’ll see you there. And together we will walk out the real confidence we have been designed for.

Much love,
~Coach Mandy