Three Ways to Boost Your Confidence After a Divorce
by: Joette Knapp
Going through a divorce can knock the confidence out of even the most secure woman! Even after you’ve gone through counseling, and mentally you are in a better place than when you heard, “I want a divorce”, you’re still not moving forward. Why not? Because you need a confidence boost! Not sure where to start? I understand. But I learned some things in my journey to find confidence after divorce and I want to share with you three things that worked well for me.
#1 – Maintain Your Healthy Friendships. Your girlfriends will be your lifeline to recovery. They are also your best source for rebuilding your confidence. Women need girl time! We need to talk about life, that’s how we process everything that happens to us. We are also great at giving each other compliments.
Your friends know how hard the divorce has been on you. They’ve watched the process and more than likely, cried with you in those awful early days. Now it’s time to have fun and find the new, fabulous you and they will be key to that success. My friends were so vital to me rebuilding my life and finding my confidence after divorce. They made sure I was never lonely and went out of their way to make my new life special.
#2- Take Time For Yourself. It’s just like when you are on an airplane, you need to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. This is vitally important if you still have children in the home with you! You can’t take care of your children if you still can’t breathe. Your children take their cues from you, so getting your confidence back is important to all of you.
It’s not being selfish to let the household chores go for an hour or two once in awhile to read a book or work on a crossword puzzle! Anything that you enjoy doing but don’t do, because it seems selfish, should be on your list. Finding time to do things outside of the home can be challenging if finances are an issue. But, this is why you maintain your friendships! You are going to draw on your friends to help you. Find a couple of friends who are willing to swap babysitting with you. It won’t cost you anything and when it’s your turn to reciprocate, you’ll know you are helping someone else too.
#3-Create the “New” You with Self- Improvement. You need to create the new you after divorce. You will accomplish this with improving your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Here are three exercises that will assist in this step.
- First, take time every day to make a list of at least five things that you are thankful for. This exercise reminds you of all the good things in your life. Initially, you may struggle to come up with five things but eventually you will be able to fill a whole page with all the things that are great in your life. This step will help you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually create the new you!
- Second, write positive statements on post-it notes and place them everywhere. The Bible is full of verses that can uplift you and fill your mind with positive thoughts. This exercise will redirect all those negative thoughts that are constantly running through your mind and help you find some peace and clarity.
- Third, reinvent yourself! This one may take a little pre-planning but it’ll be well worth it! Again, you may need to draw on your friends for help in this step for babysitting. Or, recruit your friends as partners in crime to this! Plan a day where you and a friend go to the make-up counter at a department store for a make-over, it’s free and you don’t have to purchase anything but you will see the beautiful person you’ve become.
- Next, go to one of the little boutiques that are popping up all over and with their assistance, find a fabulous outfit. Again, you don’t need to purchase anything but the transformation can be amazing and when you are ready, you’ll know how to put that outfit together again. This is a great step to make sure your outside now reflects the confident woman you are creating on the inside!
There is life after divorce and sometimes it can be even better than before. Allow God to work through this season to refine you and build you into his beautifully confident woman. He can move you to a place where you are not just surviving but you and your children are thriving! It is possible to boost your confidence after a divorce.
I believe in you,