How to be the Smarter Woman

How to be the Smarter Woman

By: Mandy B. Anderson


Confession: I’m working on becoming a smarter woman. Not necessarily smarter in an intelligent/book smart kinda way. Smarter in a character building type of way. This is probably best explained in the form of a story, so here we go…

From my comfy window seat chair, I could see her walking up to the coffee shop door. There was no way around it; this would be our moment of confrontation. The walls of pent-up frustration from months of not addressing the hurt we caused each other would come crashing down in just a few seconds. My bestie was sitting across from me, so I let her know who was about to walk in. Then I pasted a smile on my face, told myself I was ready, and waited for our eyes to meet once she walked through the doorway. Surely, we could be cordial to each other and work through this.

Except that it didn’t happen that way. Not even a little bit.

She walked through the door and proceeded to step up to the counter to order her coffee without even looking my way. And when it was time for her to meet her friend at the table beside us, she very carefully positioned herself so she never had to look at me or acknowledge my existence at all.

That hurt.

I’m not the type of person to make someone say hello to me when they very clearly don’t want to. In my experience, forcing someone to face something they are not ready to face does not work out well. So, I grabbed my things and left the coffee shop with my bestie and my tangled feelings.

As I tried to process how things went, and where things went wrong over the course of the entire friendship with her, I realized something. The baggage of control, impatience, anger, and irritability that comes with offense is heavy. It weighs you down and makes you act stupid, plain and simple.

It is impossible to be a smart woman when you are offended.

God has been working in my heart – a lot – through this broken friendship experience. Honestly, there are things we both could have done better. But I can’t be the only one willing to fix it anymore. So, when this ex-friend makes it obvious that she doesn’t want anything to do with me, the only place I can run to is God’s Word.

“Smart people know how to hold their tongue; their grandeur is to forgive and forget.” ~Proverbs 19:11, MSG

I can’t rush the healing process of this experience. I can only learn to overlook the offense, and trust that God is giving me some wisdom through the process, while asking Him to help me become a smarter woman who holds her tongue.

Dear friend, this advice is solid no matter what type of relationship offense you find yourself dealing with. If you desire to be a smarter woman, too, then allow me to give you a bit of wisdom before we part ways today.

You can’t save someone from hitting rock bottom.

You can’t save someone from themselves and you can’t force someone to become smarter with you. The only person you have control over is yourself. Rise up and step into the becoming a smarter woman – today. Do it for YOU! You’re worth it. You matter. It’s your turn to become the smarter woman so go for it with all you’ve got.

Much love,

~Coach Mandy