Our marriage was in trouble for many years. We were a ticking time bomb and it was only going to be a matter of time before I made good on my “Back Up Plan” and walked out the door again. I tried everything in my power to fix it. I prayed, I read books, I consulted others, I ignored it and hoped it would go away, I raged, I gave ultimatums, and I blamed him. I played the victim really well.
About six years into our marriage I had a random thought pass through my brain while attending a retreat with our church. “What if Brandon is not the reason for all your marriage problems…what if it’s you?” I stopped dead in my tracks. That can’t possibly be right. I was not the problem. He was the problem. He drove me to make bad decisions. It’s his fault. I thought this must be the devil and I rebuked that thought in the name of Jesus!
It didn’t work because God was trying to tell me something. Even though I refused to listen the first time. He was patient and gave me the message again. During a prayer service, a few months later, I heard God say in an audible voice like he was sitting right next to me. “Why do you keep standing in the way of what I want to do through Brandon? When are you going to get out of the way?” I was shocked by the magnitude of what I was hearing. I didn’t try to rebuke it this time I knew whose voice it was. All I said was, “I’m scared.”
God said to me. “I know. But I promise to take care of you and Claire if you will just get out of the way.”
Over the next eight years, God would slowly start working on my heart. It took much longer than I expected for that tiny seed of faith I planted to start bearing fruit. But the most surprising thing to me was the path I was required to walk to learn how to trust God and others; and, the scars I would bear because of it. When I would doubt God I would try and take back control and I would find myself with wounds I was never intended to bear. Learning that God was trustworthy no matter what storms were raging in my life, or what other people did to me, was a major battle I fought for years.
But, choosing to trust God with my life, my future, my child, and my marriage was the most important choice I ever made. That choice was the first step in my journey to embracing the cracks that were making me whole.
*excerpt for the Unbroken Bible Study
Raychel Chumley is a Life Coach, Author, Speaker, and Entrepreneur. She is the Co-Founder of Big Blue Couchtm Coaching. After finding healing and purpose from a troubled marriage, toxic friendships, and postpartum OCD, Raychel is on a mission to break bondage and speak truth over other women. She is the author of the book and coaching audios, Celebrate Your Man. Raychel lives in North Dakota with her husband, Brandon, and their three children.