Seven Things I’ve Learned About Myself Since My Divorce
By, Raychel Chumley
On October 18, our divorce was final. It was a long time coming, and I’m relieved it’s over. There are many thing’s I’ve learned about myself while walking through this process, and I want to share some of them with you today.
- I can do hard things. – We did the majority of our divorce without legal assistance and settled outside of court. When I started that process I was completely overwhelmed by how much paperwork had to be completed. I would freeze for days or weeks on end, unable to make decisions for fear I would make the wrong one. It was so intense! But slowly, it all got done. When I dropped the 100+ pages off at the courthouse, the clerk praised my thoroughness and how well I had put everything together.
- I can tell the truth and be honorable. – It’s difficult being in the public and figuring out a way to tell the truth about the kind of marriage we had, while still honoring my ex as the father of my children. I’m proud that I did this well.
- My God fights for me. – It’s practically unheard of for a marriage to end this quickly, amicably, and frugally with the kind of history it had. But it did. Thank you, God.
- My circle is strong. – Prayer warriors across the country took my needs to God when I didn’t have the words or the strength to approach Him myself.
- I made the right choice. – Choosing to get a divorce is an agonizing decision. That said, I haven’t had one moment of regret since I made the choice to leave. It’s hard to rebuild after life knocks you down, but what I’m seeing in my present and future is so much greater than what I had in my past. Better days are ahead!
- I’m a good mom. – The kids are doing well and healing in two homes with parents who love them and are no longer in constant conflict. I am taking action to heal my wounds, so that I’m as healthy as possible. I am telling the truth to my children as age allows, and I’m learning to love them in a way that is new for all of us.
- There is healing in community. – Joining a domestic violence support group was one of the scariest and most freeing things I’ve ever done. No story is the same because abuse is very personal. Yet, there is nothing like having another woman say, “That happened to me, too,” to let you know that you’re not alone.
I’m not who I thought I was. I often turned away from my “loves” while I was married. I turned into someone else to protect myself. But, I’m creative, funny, empathetic, passionate, a deep thinker and feeler, and a total space cadet some days! I am crazy about makeup and skincare. Baths are my love language. I like to have fun and help others. I can’t stick to routines well, and I am always late. I love music and writing and anything that speaks to my soul. I’m happy to find ME again.
Raychel Chumley is the Co-Founder and President of Big Blue Couch® Coaching, LLC. As a Life Coach, Author, and Speaker, Raychel is passionate about breaking bondage and speaking truth over women who find themselves in toxic relationships and broken circumstances. She is the author of the Bible Study, Unbroken: Embracing the Cracks that are Making You Whole. Raychel has a BS in Psychology and Biblical Counseling from Liberty University. She lives in North Dakota with her family.